What is a Sinner, really?

Applying all of our deep thoughts and understandings of
1Peter 3:15 and Ephesians 1 thru 3

One of my favorite lessons is Lecrae's 2016 "We engage culture for Jesus" where Lecrae states followers of Jesus are to live in the world, showing Jesus to the world, and that today's culture isn't a pollution of God's standard needing to be avoided but, we are to capture today's culture and use it to communicate God.

It's sometimes hard to wrap your mind around concepts like this because, as followers of Christ, we focus so much on separating ourselves from today's world and culture, to obey God's commands. And yet, we don't realize that we are trying to separate what God, through Jesus, joined together and, we try to follow the very commandments that do not produce righteousness (meeting God's standards) instead of following the command that Jesus gave us, "love others (one another) as I have loved you," (John 13:34).

In his lesson, Lecrae speaks about what makes a person a sinner by recounting a story about the media asking a popular Christian singer her beliefs on homosexuality and how that singer missed an opportunity to answer the question correctly with a Biblical view. Honestly, when asked questions by the media out of the blue, its very difficult to provide a good, clear and concise answer with the right quotable statement, in a second's time especially with a microphone, camera or recording device thrust in front of you. Therefor, I will not condemn this unnamed Christian singer for her answer because I've been in her shoes.

However, when you formulate your opinion on a topic, in advance, and that opinion is based on facts, and can be stated in a clear and concise sentence ahead of time, then it doesn't matter who approaches you with a potentially socially-charged question, you can answer the question with confidence and, be ready to answer any follow-up questions.

With that in mind and with this Scripture in mind: 1 Peter 3:15 (ESV) 

...but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect...

We should formulate our opinion now on "what makes a sinner a sinner, really?".

Lecrae's answer was, "being gay doesn't make you a sinner; being separated from God makes you a sinner," and added that the state of separation was caused by the fall of mankind. That's a powerful concept and, quite biblically accurate. Having just spent time in Ephesians 1 through 3 listening to Paul's deep theological comments on the plan of God to reconcile mankind to Himself, I will now reason my answer to be ready to give that quotable response that is both based in fact, said accurately with respect and in gentleness. Why? To engage people in conversation that causes them to think about God. The real God. The God that loves them completely and without condition. With the ultimate goal of encouraging someone to know God's true heart towards them so they too can choose to be part of His family.

First, it's always good to start at the beginning and know what the word sin means. A sin (syn) was a missed shot. A shot that missed the mark. If a person had a quiver of arrows - say seven - and six out of seven hit the bullseye of the target - dead center, each arrow splitting the one before it - and the seventh arrow missed the bullseye and hit just outside of that circle, that missed shot is called a sin. It hit the target but, did not find the dead-center bullseye to be a perfect shot. It missed the mark. So a sin is something that doesn't hit the standard perfectly. It's off target.

When God the Father, Son and Spirit initially created mankind (Genesis 1:26-28) in the very image of the triune God, we were created to reflect God perfectly and we were in perfect relationship with God; there was nothing between mankind and God to create a barrier nor prevented us from being together. Instead mankind chose to separate humanity from God by thinking we could be equal to God. The created person thought it could be equal to the superior being that created him. To this very day, the basis for sin is exactly that attitude of our inner being. "We don't need God; we can rule our lives fine on our own, thank you very much." As a result, we do not accurately reflect God; we miss the mark. This is where we reflect the one arrow that misses the target and we become sin.

That decision changed our spiritual genetics, and we no longer are born as a perfect representation of God. When every person is born into humanity, we are born into a state of separation from God. We are born into another family, the family of Not God's because all of humanity now reflects that initial decision to be separated from God as we each have the human mind to think we don't need God to live our lives. We are genetic representations of the human being who chose to be separated from God.

That state of separation is governed by different laws, than the Law of God. God's Law is based in two actions governing how we are to act, as human beings on this planet living our lives. 1) Love God with everything within you and with every part of you. 2) Love others around you, the same way you love and care for yourself; as you want to be treated. (Matthew 22:37-40) Now the state of separation is governed by self; 1) What's good for me, is good for me, no matter its impact on me and others. I can govern myself without anyone else telling me what I can and cannot do. 2) I am not responsible for anyone other than myself; to each his own.

However, you may ask, "Then what about God's 10 Commandments and all of His 600+ do's and don'ts listed in the Bible? Don't those items matter?" Those items are based in "Love God, Love Others" and are measuring sticks so we can see how close or far off we are to meeting God's original intent for humanity - to be a reflection of God Himself. It's about the attitudes of our hearts, our inner beings. As we go about our lives and evaluate ourselves up against God's standard, we should see that we "miss the mark," and we are "off target".

All of this evaluations and realization should cause us to approach God for His assistance to restore us into His original state of creation.To restore us into the true relationship with God, removing the barrier between us and Him and, between us and others. We should accept that restoration with gratitude and humility and, that appreciation for God's restoration of relationship should cause us to be as gracious with others around us. Easier said than done because even though our relationship is restored now according to God, we still reflect our imperfection until the day and time when God fulfills His promise to join both heaven and earth together as one mankind restoring all of us to His perfected intention... without the ability to sin. Without the ability to fall short and think we can live without God.

However, this concept is the very truth that Paul explains in his letter to the group of Christ-followers in Ephesus. God reconciled humanity to Himself, removing the barrier between Him and mankind through the actions of Himself - Jesus who is God in a human body. In addition, He also joined all of humanity together in that action - those who were God's chosen people to reflect Him on earth, Jacob/Israel and Israel's descendants - and those not within the family of Israel; by making the reconciliation of relationship extend to all humanity from Adam & Eve to the last person born on earth. In one selfless act, God gave all of humanity a choice - a choice to believe in Him as He is and as He says He is, and for the consequence of that choice to be life with God as Father forever. We are given the opportunity to be restored into His family. This reconciliation of mankind to God and mankind to one another, is given to us freely and without the condition of being perfect human beings. 

If you really spend time contemplating this free choice and the fact that there are no conditions upon your current state of being, in order to make that choice and accept the marvelous consequence, the only conclusion can be the state of, the quality of, the mind-blowing truth about God's love; His ability to love and how love defines Him. Because while we were still in the act of falling short, while we still live with the ability to miss the mark, while we still run from God and believe we can live without Him, while we blame Him for our misgivings, God as Jesus gave His human life for us, paying the steep price required for restoration to occur. Someone who knew God completely, knew His character, loved Him completely understanding true love, and did not fall short of God's standard for being, thought and life's actions, had to be the one to give his life for all humanity. God loved His humanity so very much that He was not willing to allow us to suffer the consequences of our spiritual DNA causing us to be fall-shorters, mark-missers... synners or sinners.

So what is a sinner, really? Does being a murderer make you a sinner? A thief? A liar? A homosexual or transsexual? An excessive spender? A miss-manager? A sexual addict? A hateful person? A bully? A self-righteous person? A mean-spirited person? An alcoholic, drug addict, self-medicator? White? Black? Asian? Catholic? Agnostic? Jewish? Buddhist? Witch? Handicapped person? Blind? Deaf? Diseased? Etc, etc, etc? No; none of these things make you a sinner! You were already a sinner by being born with the ability to think that you don't need God in your life. (Jesus explained that in many different ways through His entire ministry especially in His beatitude lesson recounted in Matthew 5 through 7.) What you do, how you think, and how those thoughts manifest into actions about God and others, will show you that you are missing the mark, falling short, able to syn and not be as God intended.

As I was reasoning all of this, I listened and re-listened to a lesson by Andy Stanley called "The Unsettling Solution for just about Everything, Part 3: Do you see what I see?" where Andy touches on sinners and says who "the church" truly is and is meant to be. A gathering of humanity in its current state of fall-shorters, mark-missers, synners. Why we expect people to immediately reflect God in perfection and that we all need to have perfected lives before coming into relationship with God, is beyond me. We are all restored. We are all works in progress. We will all not be perfected on this side of eternity but, when God joins together all humanity to Him and those in Heaven and on earth, as He intended, as He initially created, once and for all; at the time He designated before all of creation.

The time is coming. With every day passing, we are closer to that time than we are not. The question then becomes, "What will you now do with your time, your life? Accept God? Accept His gift? Love others out of appreciation for what God did for you? Show grace, mercy and love to others even when they don't deserve it? After all, that's what God showed each of us. 

So, who is a sinner, really? We are. Who is the church? We are. Who is within God's family? We are. Now, let's go live as we haven't lived yet.

 

Jumping in the deep end

Ephesians 1 thru 3
I am chosen, holy, beloved

My Sister-in-law Mia, is one of my dearest sisters in Christ and a cherished friend; my true sister-in-love. She is quite the heady theologian, because she studies and applies the Word of God veraciously, like she consumes medical information, fashion and pop culture. Most times when we're together it's, "Good morning. What's God saying to you today?" and off we go jumping into the deep end of the pool for a two-hour discussion about Jesus in our lives, over morning coffee and tea.

It's why her presence in my life is so important. If I were to be really honest with myself, I have been struggling with a significant amount of emotional stress (both good and bad), coupled with physical stress from over exercising as if I was in college running track again or dancing with my college ballet company, exasperating the health issues. This resulted in a host of items that have impacted my life to the point of stopping life as I know it and, spending time at Mayo Clinic Jacksonville to find the source of the health issues.

As a result, depression set in and impacted my ability to find daily joy and joie de vivre for my life in Christ. Thankfully, I have recognized all of this as it is occurring so, this funk has not become a mental health issue. Yet, I'm causing family and friends to be anxious about my physical health. Frustratingly, God had just brought me through the grieving process over the outcome of a work related project and then, this health thing happened. Things are beyond my control and I know it.

Thankfully, Mia has been with me through this process. She moved in with Chauncey and me for ten months as she restarted her life, and that coincided with my health issues. Her presence was a blessing to me because she helped me deal with the root of the symptoms. Mia has a phenomenal gift of remembering everything she learned in med school when she studied to be a doctor, a nurse and then ultimately, a chiropractor. While she was living with us, Mia was studying for her national boards to be able to practice chiropractics in any state in the U.S. So she helped me sort through my health symptoms and point towards possible issues. This helped me ask my doctors the correct questions which led to some diagnosis.

Because she was with me, she saw my symptoms and confirmed that I was not going crazy nor a hypochondriac. She was also there to encourage me with my faith, through my darkest times. God gave me a sister in Christ to live with me as I was going through a tough phase.

So when Mia mentioned a quick Beth Moore, three-part conference series to listen to via You Tube, I decided to do that and share a study together. The series Redefined was encouraging to me overall and, one of the books of Scripture referenced was Ephesians. When I had listened to the series a couple of times, I decided to spend my mornings in Ephesians. There were several passages that have become prayer for me, and I was relieved to find a book of Scripture that spoke to me, helped me put words to prayer of need, and allowed me to feel the presence of God.

The other morning, I interpreted Ephesians chapters 1 through 3 into personal words to better apply the passages which became impactful and, to recite the passages as prayer. This entry captures that interpretation so I can continue to apply it over time. I imagine Paul joining Mia and I for coffee and tea, speaking in today's language, enjoying heady discussions about following Jesus, and jumping into the deep end of life with faith. To continue reciting Paul's conversation for myself, here is how Ephesians 1 through 3 read to me.

Ephesians 1:1 thru 3:21

1:1
Paul. One sent by Christ Jesus (The Anointed One of God; His Son) by the plan and determination of God.

To the set apart people in Ephesus, the faithful followers of Jesus the One and True Son of God.

Unconditional divine assistance and peace between you and God (the removal of punishment and separation) with that blessing from God the Father Himself and, from the Lord Jesus Christ who's actions brought this about.
1:3
Recognize with joy, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has provided His favor for us - His perfected life for us - in Heaven with every spiritual gift given to and through Jesus. What God did in Jesus, He plans to do in us. God planned for this life through Christ before He planned the creation of the world and universe; He planned us to be complete and perfected, meeting God's standard and without the guilt of breaking God's laws. In His unconditional love, He predestined us to be adopted as sons and daughters through the efforts and life of Jesus Christ, according to His plan and determination and what pleases Him, to acknowledge and advertise His unconditional divine assistance, which God freely gave to us through the One and True Son whom He deeply loves. We are restored to be perfect, from our inability to live to God's standard through the blood of Jesus, which is according to the wealth of God's divine grace that He lavished on us with all of His wisdom and understanding. And God through Jesus was pleased to plainly reveal to us His plan of redemption which was a mystery to those who lived before us; a plan He intended to fulfill through the life of Jesus, of which God will fully realize at a time He determined in the future when everything in heaven and on earth will come together under the leadership and authority of Jesus His Son. What is in Heaven will be done on earth completely and together.
1:11
We were chosen by God, through His plan, and predestined where He works everything to fulfill what He purposed with our lives, in order that we (Paul and Jesus's first followers) who are the first to place our hopes and beliefs in Jesus, prove God's plan through acknowledgement and broad promotion. And you also (everyone who followed Jesus as a result of the first group's promotions) were included in God's plan to be within the promise of Christ, when you heard these truths told which is good news concerning God's restoration and reconciliation of mankind. Having believed, we were marked with a seal as being part of Jesus, and that seal is His Holy Spirit living inside of us guaranteeing our inheritance as sons and daughters, until everyone through the end of time that is predestined to be within the family of Jesus, is fully realized - and all of us can praise God for all He did to broadcast His plan to the fullest.
1:15
For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all of those faithful followers-of and called ones-in Jesus, I have not stopped thanking God for you, that God added you to His chosen family, speaking to God about you when you come to mind. I keep asking the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the recognized and only Father, to give you His Spirit of wisdom (knowing what to do) and revelation (understanding and discerning) so you can know God better and more intimately. "I ask You God that the eyes of my heart (my inner being and desires) be opened and receiving towards You in order that I may know the hope that You have called me into and the wealth of life that is my inheritance as part of Jesus's family; and Your incomparably great power to sustain life, for all who believe in Your promise to us." That power, is His mighty strength at work, which He exerted in Jesus when He raised Jesus from being dead and separated from Him in the after life; after raising Jesus from death both earthly and spiritually, God the Father of Jesus placed His Son in His position of authority over all creation, far above any and all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only by today's standards but in the standards covering all time. And God placed everything under the Lordship of Jesus and appointed Him to lead everything for the congregation of Christ-followers, which is Jesus's family acting as a body, reflecting Jesus in every way.
2:1
As for me, I was dead and separated from God because I was a law breaker, of God's laws, and unable to live to God's standard; I used to live a life following the lead of the Deceiver and the accepted culture of this world. That deceiver, is an unholy spirit at work within every person who is disobedient to God's laws and standard - which has everything to do with the approach of our hearts. Everyone of us lived among this lifestyle at one time (and still do in many cases), gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature, following those selfish desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were against God and His standard of love so, we were by nature doomed for God's eternal punishment reserved for those who knowingly and willingly choose self over God. But, because of God's unfathomable love for all of us, and because He is wealthy with mercy, He extended the same gift of raising us from eternal separation from Him - true death - as He did for Jesus who deserved to be raised from death; we were all sentenced to death for breaking God's laws and yet, by the divine assistance and gift of God, we are alive physically and spiritually with our past wrongdoings forgiven. It's by God's provision that I have been saved from the deathly punishment that I deserve - I didn't do anything to become saved, this is a gift from God Himself - not by my ability of accomplishments so, I can't brag about my saved condition nor claim credit. Instead, I am an example of God's workmanship, created to do good, which God planned in advance for me to do, all because of Jesus and through Jesus.
2:11
Therefore, remember that those of you were non-Israeli-Jew by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who refer to themselves as "circumcised" - a title of self-honor given to Jewish-by-birth and who circumcised their men by human hands to prove their birthright - remember that you were separated from The Christ by lack of birthright, excluded from the God-designated citizenship as an Israeli Jew, and where the covenant guiding this nation was foreign to you; the covenant of the promise of Messiah, without hope and without God in the world. But now because of Jesus Christ and through His efforts, you and I who were once excluded by birth into God's family, are now brought near to God and into His family through the saving blood of Jesus; (the blood of the new covenant that extended to all mankind).
2:14
For Jesus Himself is our process of making peace where He made the two into one humanity and destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in His human self the requirements of the Law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create under his governing authority one new man - one new humanity out of two types of people, therefor making peace between the two, and to reconcile this one humanity with God through His death reserved for criminals by cross-execution, thereby killing the hostility between man and man and, mankind and God. He came and spoke about peace between you who are far away from God and, peace to those who are close to God; peace to those chosen to carry God to all the earth and those originally not chosen. Now, through His gift of life because of Jesus, all of humanity has access to God the Father, by one united Spirit. 
2:19
"Consequently, I am not a foreigner to God nor an alien to God's family, but a fellow citizen with God's people and a member of God's family; a family built on the foundation of those sent to explain God's plan and those that foresaw His plan, with Jesus Himself as the chief foundation and dedication stone. Through His life, the whole humanity building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple of Jesus as Lord. And in Jesus, I too am being added into the new humanity where God lives among us and through us by the power of His Spirit."
3:1
For this reason, I Paul, the captured by Jesus for the sake of those originally alienated from God's people -
Surely you have heard the stories about how God opened my eyes and called me into His service through His forgiving and merciful ability, bestowed onto me for your sake; that is, God revealed His plan which was a mystery up until the time of Christ, as I have written about briefly. In reading this account, then you too will be able to understand the insight given to me about the plan of Christ and His life, which was not made known to mankind in previous generations, as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to God's sent-ones and foreseeing-ones - those who understand God's plan to reconcile and unite humanity into His family, and those who foresee God's future actions with His united people. This mystery is the plan that those previously excluded into God's future plan - excluded by birth into a family not belonging to God - that together with the family called by the name Israel, we are all heirs in God's family, together in one body of people who share together the promises of God made through Jesus Christ.
3:7
I gladly became a servant to this good news and my calling by the divine assistance God gave me through the working of His power. Although I am the very least of all of God's people, this ability and calling was given to me to reach those originally excluded from God's family (by law and by man), and speak about the unseen riches of Christ, and to clearly explain to everyone the reconciliation plan of God which previously was kept as a mystery by God who created all things. His intent was that now through Jesus's followers the many and various attributes of God's wisdom will be clearly revealed to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to His eternal purpose which He accomplished through Christ Jesus our Lord. Being in Jesus and through faith in Him, we may freely approach God with confidence. Don't allow my life of suffering on behalf of Jesus, to discourage you; your faith is my glory, my reward.
3:14
"For this reasons, I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen me with power through His Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may live continuously in my heart through faith. And I pray that I, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the faithful followers of Jesus, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that I may be filled to all the fullness of God's plan for me."
3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be the acknowledgment in the familiar congregation and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations and time, for ever and ever! So be it and Amen."

+++++++++

As always, God confirms His teaching to me through messages and music I hear. For this time, He spoke initially through Beth Moore and, the following songs.

Lecrae, I'll Find You

Lecrae, Prayin for You

Lauren Daigle, Rescue

Flame, Let Go

Kari Jobe, Revelation

We the Kingdom, Holy Water

"God is Love," by Danielle Strickland - when Danielle said that the science behind love shows the brain lit up in several areas (pleasure/joy, risk, attachment) this comment struck a cord. With my health issues, Mayo Clinic diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, along with a few more things. Mayo said that the clinic is close to determining the real cause of Firbomyalgia which Mayo believes is a nuerochemical in the brain. When a person has fibromyalgia, her brain lights up with pain instead of lighting in the one small area related to the body part in pain. For me this meant perhaps my health issues were a physical manifestation of my deep love for God and His people. Because during this time of health issues with my body hurting everywhere, I was emotionally yearning for God, for my family members, for my friends and coworkers, and for my community. I wanted everyone to know God for who He really is and, for that love of God to transcend into our ability to love one another. So, I reconciled this health outcome as being a gift - a gift of feeling in some small ways what God feels about us because He loves us so deeply... more than we can know and understand.

A Word for Me, Redefined

A Word for Me has become Personal
Psalm118

Over the years, people talk about their "life verse" which is a verse of the Bible that speaks to them. Something that verse illuminated during a pivotal time in their lives. Something that defines their relationship with God or an aspect of God that resonates with them. Perhaps something they've memorized and can recite at anytime. Or something they frequently read to provide comfort, understanding or reset their minds. Something that caused them to stop in their tracks, think, and readjust their trajectory or outlook on life. Something that confirmed a thought or action.

A readjusting passage of scripture for me was Haggai 1:11; it provided God's ownership for a correcting time in my family's lives. One of my life verses is 2 Peter 3:9 because it speaks of God's long patience which meant more to me as I waited for my family to follow Christ. My husband Chauncey's verse is Matthew 6:25-34; do not worry. Our friend Max loves John 10:10. My daughter Lauren has Jeremiah 29:11-13 illustrated on her wall at home, a verse I gave her during a transitional time in her life. My daughter Sarah's go-to verse is 2 Corinthians 12:8, to remind her of God's grace and provisions; that He has a plan for her life.

For me, I have life verses that increase and morph as my life changes and evolves. Even though God is "the same yesterday, today and tomorrow", our relationship with Him evolves and matures so, what defines us with Him changes in a way that, as you age, you cannot keep wearing the same clothes as you did when you were younger. You must wear something that fits you today and fits the season you are living. This evolution doesn't change the character of God or the truth of His Word; on the contrary. We mature in Christ so we can now wear something more fitting, as we experience God on a maturing level. Because of this living experience, Psalm 118 is now one of my life verses defining my relationship with God and He with me.

Sometime in 2013 through early 2014, God was speaking to me through a combination of scripture including Psalm 118. The body of scripture, especially Psalm 118, foretold God's plan for my home community, and the outcome of a large-scale, land plan on which I worked through my job. I journaled the understanding and experience of this effort through:

A Word for Me... What if I said 'No'?

From 2013 to 2016, I spent a majority of my morning study & prayer time in Psalm 118, as it became a prayer for those within the community. It became a battle cry, for me. It became a plea to God for my alignment with Him. As I continued to hear from God through this bulk of scripture, I additionally journaled through:

I Am Jonah

Hey Jonah... What's the Quality of Your Love? 

Mary's Dream about the Community

Dying to Self

Over the years spent in Psalm 118, the pages of my Bible contain some of my notes, scribbled all through and around the lines of the Psalm, that it's almost difficult to read the passage.

I learned Psalm 118 is an antiphonal Psalm, where alternating choirs sing the verses in a call-response format. The Psalm is meant to be a pageantry where the verses are acted out in a liturgical manner. It seems that this Psalm was meant to be more than recited; it was meant to be tactile and lived.

And lived it, I did. Reflecting on my experience, Psalm 118 became a script for the land-plan effort I was working on, through my job.

When I first read of the trials the Psalm foreshadowed, I was concerned because, up until February 2014 (when I journaled "A Word for Me"), we didn't have a strong opponent. Instead, a comprehensive and broad representation of the community had fully supported our project and their support drowned out the voice of the small, opposition forming.

Then suddenly, the tables flipped, and through November 2016, our project was demonized and those involved were villainized. To this day (February 2019), there is still a visceral reaction by people in this community when the names of the project, my employer, my colleagues and mine are mentioned.

I thought I handled the aftermath well, in a healthy manner, that kept my faith intact. Daily, I was still hearing God's voice and, still able to love Him with joy, still able to look forward in life. In fact, I was able to realize that the outcome of my project was a gift from God and not a predicted outcome in this comedie noire known for this community. 

I recognized the stages of grief I was experiencing. When I spoke with our consultant team, who are the best of the best, they each expressed real grief over the outcome. This project was a once-in-a-lifetime legacy project that made the entire team rise up and work for the betterment of community over self. This was completely opposite of what the alternating community choir was chanting in response to us.

Following the end of the project through 2016 and 2017, people in the community continued to hold out their hands expecting my employer to financially support them, even when the project outcome prescribed no support. Give to continued and systemic issues that the project would have solved. People were indifferent about the outcome and shrugged with an "Oh well... you're still going to support my cause, aren't you?" People continued to write and say unkind and false things about our project, our employers, our teammates. I searched for safe places within the community where I could continue living. I was thankful my children were grown and living away, that my husband's job was not impacted, and that my job now took me outside of the community so we could move onward. That response and those ballsy requests angered me and I slipped from grief to resentment to bitterness which rocked my trust in God. "Why did He allow this (outcome) to happen? I thought He promised a different result? Freedom. Why are we having to wait any longer?"

However, the line in Psalm 118 that I love the most, that rolls around in my mind's ears - a line that is repeated in Psalm 136 and other scripture  - a line that cannot be denied is, "His love endures forever."

His love endures and, it endures forever. 

His love endures; forever. 

He. Loves. Forever.

Over the years, I have contemplated this love-enduring truth about God; this quality of love and aspect of His being. I even journaled about it several times. ("For God So Loved" and "We have Cheapened the Meaning of Love" and the two "Jonah" entries noted above) It's an unchangeable truth and characteristic of God that I truly believe defines Him. God's ability to love each of us, without condition, and endure time with no regard to circumstances, is what causes God to be Father, friend, teacher, gracious, patient, long suffering, forgiving, disciplining, truthful, honest, transparent, reliable, nurturing, and more.

During this struggling time, He allowed me to test Him on His character - His enduring, unconditional love aspects of His being - and reflect on its impact in my life. He allowed me to truly wrestle with Him. To wrestle through doubt and wanting to walk away completely. Tough questions were asked, forcing me to look at myself. To be honest and raw telling Him that I resented Him and His allowance of what happened to me while I was following Him. To look at His truths and mine as well as my misperception and selfish desires. That He allows this oppressive group to remain in power over the community exerting more oppression. To tell Him that I didn't trust Him anymore and, that I knew He would discipline me which I resented. I wrestled through my grief, bitterness, and resentment.

While wrestling, scripture and Bible stories swirled around my mind, bringing characters to life; understanding how each felt, why each did and said the things they did. Words and stories had meaning, now.

Through that process, I realized that God is not afraid of my doubt; not afraid of my anger with Him. He is not afraid that I was blaming Him for my discomfort, confusion and hurt that things didn't go my way; until I could move passed the emotions to see the real root cause. One of my favorite, life verses is Isaiah 1:18, "...come; let's us reason together," where God Himself invites us to reason with Him. One of my favorite books is the Book of Job where Job and his friends reason Job's circumstance - wrong or right - and, God enters that reasoning to set the argument straight. "Where were you when I created the world..."  It's part of God's character that His unconditional love allows - reasoning without fear - and He wired me to reason which I actually love to do. I love to reason! I like to look at issues and things from all angles then reason about them before making decisions. Many times, I will reason aloud with family, friends and colleagues.

Within this wrestling time, God was not afraid to reason with me and, He gave me the gift of reasoning with Him. God Himself was encouraging me to reason with Him and work through my incorrect assumptions, misgivings; my hurt, confusion, pain, frustration, and grief. I reasoned through my doubt and my lack of trust. God loved me so very much that He called me to reason with Him, encouraged me through the process, stayed with me, made me look at Him and myself, reflect on His character and promises. Then He brought me through to the end of that process where I realized that I indeed trusted Him more fully than before.

And so, sometime in Fall 2018, I turned the pages of my Bible to Psalm 118 and began to re-read the words of the Psalm that spoke to me five years earlier; the words I couldn't read for two years. At the opening - "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His faithful love endures forever." - the words brought me a sense of peace, a sense of knowing the struggle was over. And, I continued to read through tears realizing the Psalm that God spoke-through to me, now describe our personal relationship, not my job; not my project; not my community. God with me. The words of Psalm 118 became alive and personal to me. Psalm 118 is now a Word for me, defining my relationship with God where I see that I trust Him, even in the dark times. It visually describes my relationship with God and my place within His people, His gathering.

Because I read so many versions of the Psalm while studying over a period of years, when I read it now, it reads this way to me.

Thank you, God, for You are good to me.
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.

We who wrestled and are called out of this world following You Lord, should say,
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.

We who You made into a priesthood to follow and serve You, should say,
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.

We who are in awe-of and grateful-for You, knowing who You are, should say,
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.

In my anguish and distress, I cried out to You Lord,
And You answered my cries and freed me from what consumed me.

I know now that You are with me and, I will not be afraid of the future or the past.
What can mere people do to me that will change who I am with You?

You are with me in life, Lord, and You help me.
Because of this reality, I can look at people who hate me through eyes of victory knowing their emotion cannot impact me or change who I am with You or how You consider me.

I've learned that it's better to seek and trust You Lord than to trust in the abilities of people.
It is better to seek help from You than from those with an authoritative position or resources.
Where will I go to find something better than You; who has the answers to life beyond You?

All kinds of people came after me - strangers, peers, friends and family - they tried to destroy me or put me in a Spiritless place, but knowing who I am in You and who You are in me, their attempts failed.

These people surrounded me, ganged up on me but, knowing who I am in You and who You are in me, their attempts failed.

They swarmed around me like angry bees from a disturbed hive, coming at me from every direction;
However, their attempts died out quickly like a hot, fast fire of twigs burns out; knowing who I am in You and who You are in me, their attempts failed.

Lord, I was really pushed back hard, and about to fall away completely but, You Lord never left me and helped me even when I couldn't ask for help.

You became my strength, my ability, my song of joy and victory; You Lord, became my salvation - You saved me from myself and my circumstance.

I join Your family and say through my experience with You, "shouts of joy and victory echo in the bodies and lives of Your people whom You've made righteous," and we sing:

God's authority and divine assistance in my life have done mighty things!
There is nothing above God's authority - the Lord God is Almighty and Ultimate!
God's authority and divine assistance in my life have done mighty things!

I realized that I will not walk away and die instead, I am living and will be able to share with others what the Lord has done in my life and what He can do in their lives. 

Lord; You disciplined me severely; You pruned and challenged me.
However, You did not take me to the point of death.

The gates to Your presence are opened to me; You opened them and I enter Your presence to thank You.
You showed me that my consuming circumstance was actually a gateway to Your listening presence.
Thank You for turning my failure into a gateway to Your presence; You became my salvation.

I rejected the circumstance - it was a stone that I rejected as the builder of my life.
Now that stone has become the dedication stone of my life proving Your existence in my life; dedicating my life to You.
You turned bad into good and it's marvelous to see and consider.
It's true; You work all things to the good of those who love You.
This dedication day is the day You made;
I am grateful and so thankful to rejoice in this reality.

Those of us who are Yours cry out:
Save us, Lord God; save us from our circumstances.
Let us be successful in life with You, Lord God; let us be successful.

I am blessed because I am called "Daughter" by God Himself.
I am recognized by those in God's family.

The Lord Jesus is God;
He has revealed to us the truths of God so we can know Him, follow and love Him.

I call to others, pick up your palm branches and join me in the revolution to follow God; become a "called out" person.
Know that you will sacrifice your selfish lives, right up to the presence of God.

Jesus; You are my God and I will recognize You as the source of life and be thankful.
You are my God and I will acknowledge You to others and place You as authority over my life.

Thank you, God, for You are good to me.
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.

Post script:

It has been two years since I last journaled my life with God. It's so wonderful to be able to enjoy this aspect of our relationship, again. I've missed this time, and was afraid to never enjoy it again. God is good.

My Wednesday Morning Prayer Group helped me wrestle during the years.Thank you Laura, Linda, Mason, Jacob, Andy, Phoebe, Richard, and Gerard. My sister (in-law) and daughter helped me reason; thank you Mia and Sarah. My family helped me worship; thank you Chauncey, Lauren & Russell, Sarah, and Anthem Church.

Note: The palm branch was a symbol of Israel and it was a call to revolution when raised; revolution from what oppressed Israel and, to be a nation again. One version of Psalm 118 referred to raising the palm branch instead of tying the sacrifice to the alter. I liked the palm branch version best, as it had more meaning to me.

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In 2018, as I was revisiting Psalm 118, God was confirming His revelation through the following messages and songs. Mostly, the confirmation came through worship time at our church Anthem, a North Point church plant. And, listening to the Elevation (church) podcast, and Wisdom for the Heart messages.

Come through Drippin, Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church

The Word on the Street, Pastor Larry Brey, Elevation Church (Larry married my niece Maddie and her husband Dustin)

Cry for you, Lecrae featuring Taylor Hill

Take Courage (He's in the Waiting), Bethel Music

(Your love is) Fierce, Jesus Culture

Extravagant, Bethel Music

Reckless Love, Cory Asbury (I found this version 2/25/2019 and believe it's perfect especially Cory's story behind his song)

God Taught Me, Zauntee

No Longer Slaves, Bethel Music

Giants (Nothing's Impossible), North Point Insideout

Who You Say I Am, Hillsong

Come and Get Me, Lecrae

Tremble, Mosaic MSC

It is well (Through it All), Bethel Music 


Added March 3, 2019: Great lesson by Andy Stanley, North Point Church, series "Me & My Big Mouth; Right Where You Want 'Em"

Added March 6, 2019: Spot on lesson by Steven Furtick, Elevation Church, series "Invisible Prisons: What if God didn't meet your expectations"

Added April 28, 2019: The day before Lauren's wedding day (April 5, 2019) she gave me this tea cup that says Mother of the Bride and has Jeremiah 29: 11-14 on it, as that is the verse we share together. So very, very special that on her wedding day she remembered that God had and has a plan for her life.

Added May 9, 2019: After buying new Earl Grey tea, I noticed that my cast iron tea pot was changing the flavor of the tea removing the oil of bergamot which is essential to Earl Grey. (The iron tea pot has a dragon on it which is rather fitting for this issue.) So, I decided to use my ceramic pot given to me by Lauren which has Psalm 118 on it. This is the pot I was using when I first was struck by Psalm 118 and was shocked to see the Scripture on the pot when I was reading it, five years ago. Lauren gave me this tea pot with Psalm 118 and roses painted on it. The Mother of the Bride tea cup she gave me in April, has the Jeremiah 29 verses noted on it and, that cup too has roses on it. This cup was given when the meaning of Psalm 118 and reflecting on people's "life verses" was coming to an understanding for me. I do not think nor believe that this is coincidental. Instead, I think God used Lauren to confirm to me what He's teaching me; what I am living through Him. So, I brew a pot, fill my cuppa and thank God for Him being with me, and thank Him for my family.

Also added May 9, 2019: A great series by Andy Stanley called "Aftermath" that talks about the real tenants of following Christ, faith in Christ, and how we should live. Confirming what I've learned through God.