I Am Jonah

The Struggle to Follow

Since God last spoke through Scripture concerning the vision for our community, I sat in the related Scripture for several months in 2014, especially through the really trying times as I tried to continually remind myself of God's promises. And I tried to pray for the people in the trials but, honestly, I wasn't feeling very willing. Finally, it was time to move from reading Psalm 118 and the accompanying Scripture. It was starting to make me anxious as I was struggling knowing that God said the trial I was in the midst of, would end soon but, His 'soon' and my 'soon' are two different time tables. Realizing that the vision was on God's timetable and in His control, I began to relinquish myself to the idea that 'soon' would come later rather than sooner.

That was difficult because resentment for the trial and those within the trial was beginning to take hold of me. I kept asking God to help me pray for those within the trial; asked Him how should I pray and confessed that I really didn't want to pray for them. To be brutally honest; those prayers were just lip service as deep down I wanted God to "toast" those opposing His plans and people. Yet, I knew God's heart. God loves those people who are in my trial as much as He loves me. He wants those people to be His people as much as He wanted me. The grace He extended me forgiving me for my sins against Him is the same grace He will extend to those within the trial. I knew I had to pray, must pray, am responsible to pray for them. The only consequence in my mind for following God's will by praying for these people is, in the act of praying for their lives to be saved, God would work a miracle in my heart and mind too. A miracle that would allow me to be more 'other centered' as Christ was other centered.

Shortly before Christmas, movement happened. The people in the trial began to publicly act poorly in a way that caused people to walk away from their zealousness. God brought new leadership to town. Movement forward began to happen. And He began to quietly speak again; how I needed a fresh time with God. However, consumed with the busy-ness of the holidays, work's daily grind through the process, and my glee for the misfortune of the people in the trial, I became a piece of dry toast. Thankfully, during Sunday church services, God always connects me to His heart and I am renewed again. However, I knew I was drifting from God just due to enduring the trial. I was spent and frankly, I wanted this predicted time to end 'soon.'

But, God is faithful or should we always say, thank God that He is faithful. Faithful to Himself, His promises and to us. He led me to Ezekiel recently even though Ezekiel 37 was part of the group of Scripture He used to convey His promised vision; I felt the need to read the entire book. God began to speak clearly again. While He was speaking through Ezekiel, it became evident that He is moving to fulfill His earlier promise concerning the community. It's time. And He also shared what would happen to those opposing His plans for our community. This is where my struggle has been.

While God has been sharing that He is concerned for me and everyone in the community; He will move now and His plans will happen rather quickly, I've been cheering for His revelation of what will happen to those opposing Him. Yet, this is wrong. Because by His grace, I'm on "His team." Rather than feeling a bit vindicated and gleeful that this trial and the tactics that have been used in the trial will end soon, I really should feel compassionate towards the opposition and praying for their eternal lives. Remember? God loves them too and He loves them as much as me. He's sad that people do not believe in Him. Sad that they choose a life without Him. Sad that they walk away from Him. Instead I should realize that my Heavenly Father is grieving over the children that don't choose Him. Instead I should extend them the very same grace He extended me. Instead I should tell them about our God and how great He is and how much He loves them and wants to live with them and have them with Him.

I've shared this struggle with my brothers and sisters in the faith, hoping they will pray with me so I in turn can pray for those opposing God in our community. I have been amazed when a few people have commented that I don't need to pray for these people because of how ugly and malicious they have been. Sometimes, I want to sit there with my friends' comments feeling justified to let happen what will happen. Yet, I know God's heart and I know that, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) And that God desires mercy, not merely following religious rules. (Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13, 12:7) Heck, I even told one of the people in the trial that I was struggling with him because of his antics.

I need God. I need to turn around from my sinful thoughts of wanting to see their falling out of power. I need God to move my heart to truly be moved to pray earnestly for those who opposed Him and His lovely plans for our community. After all, everyone who is lost is the prodigal son and everyone saved becomes the older brother; the first son. What we must realize is, now that we are found, God will search for the others who are lost. Perhaps we should be the older son that Jesus Christ was and He went looking for the lost with His Father. Perhaps we are to remember that our now prodigal brothers and sisters are in the shoes we were in earlier in our lives. Perhaps we should extend them the same grace God extended us.

As God would have it, today at church Pastor Andy Stanley spoke very clearly about this very subject I am wrestling with... and people think God doesn't know our hearts. Well I can testify that He in fact knows our hearts better than we know ourselves. It's time... time for me to earnestly pray for others.

"Why in the World; Classless" by Andy Stanley

And on March 22, 2015, at Anthem Church, I heard Andy Stanley confirm again through another message:

"Why in the World: Putting Religion in its Place" by Andy Stanley