We have Cheapened the Meaning of Love

Journaling from July 7 through 25, 2010

Love, what does it really mean? This age-old question has been asked so many times, we’re desensitized to it and yet obsessed with it. We attempt to answer the question in many ways. We talk about love, write about love, read books on love such as where to find love and how to love better. We paint, dance and sing about it. “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me” and “Look’n for love in all the wrong places.” So what is love, then?

We say we “love” something – a person, a car, a job, our pet, a meal, a restaurant, a movie, a song, a book, an athlete, a sports team, an entertainer, a lake, a park, a pair of shoes, an action, an idea, a cell phone… the list goes on. What we are truly saying is, “I really like this person/thing/concept because it makes me happy or doesn’t hurt me or makes me feel special.” We use the word love to describe what we feel towards something that pleases us. Whatever conjures up the emotion that pleases us we say we “love” whatever that is. We wrap self-consuming emotions around love and declare that’s what love is. Yet is that the love God intended?

When we credit something we like as something we love, the weightier meaning of love is given to things that don’t deserve to be the catalyst of true love. I am ever guilty of this. Not understanding the true meaning of love, it’s no wonder we value it lesser and associate it with our comfort, pleasure and happiness. In the Bible, four Greek words to describe four types of love are used; when we read the words in an English translation, many times the words are simply translated to "love" without giving the proper love definition to provide context. Those words are Eros (erotic love, sensual, as in intimate love of a marriage relationship), Philia (love for friends and community, "brotherly" love), Storge (parental love for a child) and Agapé (unconditional love).

This lesser view of the weightier meaning of love impacts our relationships with God and others; we cheapen what love is and seek for it in many of the wrong places and ways because we associate love to our pleasure and receiving rather than our quality of giving.

We read God saying He loves us so much that He sent His Son to pay our debt. Then we read if we ask God for something because He loves us, He’ll listen to our prayers and answer us because He knows how to love us better than we love ourselves. Yet, when we associate the lesser meaning of love to that relationship, we assume God is in the business of making us happy and if He doesn’t make us happy, then He really doesn’t love us. We do the same with others. If they don’t make us happy, then they must not love us.

In 2004, while reading Psalm 136, I was struck that God’s characteristic of love was used to repeatedly describe Him and that “His love endures forever.” In response I wrote:

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God loves us. Of all of His characteristics that describe the uniqueness and awesomeness of the ONE true and living God of all time and creation is His love for us. His agapé love that endures in a continuous state remaining firm under suffering without giving in, forever. His deep love towards the unworthy – that’s all of us. His unconditional love to the point of pain continues in the same state remaining firm under suffering and neglect without giving in forever.

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The Psalmist didn’t write about God’s almighty power. He didn’t write about His omnipresence, wisdom, knowledge, strength, patience, mercy, forgiveness or any of His other many characteristics that define the One True Living God. Instead, the Psalmist wrote about God’s ability to love, the intensity of His love, the depth of His love and the endurance of His love all woven into the history of how God cares for His people.

Recently, while studying 1 Corinthian 1, that love lesson of 2004 connected to another lesson and God showed me that it’s His ability to Love that causes Him to be who He is. His ability to love isn’t just a characteristic mixed in with His other traits. His ability to love is what sets God apart from everything we think of a god or the God. His love governs who He is and causes Him to be patient, kind, merciful, long suffering, enduring, forgiving, self-controlled, gentle, good and faithful. The depth of God’s love causes Him to love unconditionally; to love someone even when that someone doesn’t reciprocate the feeling.

So how do we know that His love governs Him and His other traits are fruits of His love. Well, if God and His Spirit are one and His Spirit imparts to us the gifts of God and those gifts are manifested as fruits in our lives that prove to us God is with us, then those fruits are what God is – love. Galatians 5:22 now becomes a weightier description of God Himself. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” In 1 Corinthian 13:4-8 we learn what love looks like. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." God’s greatest attribute is that He is a God of emotion and His greatest emotion is His ability to love and love unconditionally producing those actions. He is Agapé.

God could choose to define Himself with His almighty power or His wisdom and knowledge or His omnipresence. Yet, He doesn’t. If He had, then God could govern His actions by His strength or His knowledge or His ability to be everywhere at all times. When you think of God in this way, you get a different picture of God. However, He uses His ability and depth of love to define Himself and His standards and that should be something to grab our attention and respect.

When asked, by the religious leaders, which was the single greatest commandment of God, Jesus said we should love God with everything that we are and then love those around us as ourselves. (Matthew 22:37-40) When you look at that question again, realize that the religious leaders weren’t just asking “of the ten commandments, which is the most important.” They were asking of the entire collection of God given commandments and manmade traditions making up Israel’s Law (some 600+ rules), which single one is the most important. Jesus’ answer was laser sharp… love. Jesus points to the very foundation of God, who He is and what guides His character and standards. He loves others as He loves Himself and He loves others unconditionally. We are to first love God, truly love Him with everything in our being. Then, that love given to God will cause us to love others around us as we care for ourselves.

When I love God completely and I love others unselfishly, this will cause me to live to God’s standards. Jesus says this is the basis of everything God requires us to do. Think about the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5:21 through 6:4. Jesus is saying that our actions reflect our heart. So, if we murder, it’s because we hate. However, Jesus took it even further and said that our actions actually reflect our thoughts. If we even think about an action against someone, are offended by someone or act selfishly towards someone or God, we are no better than the person who acted out those thoughts. Having those thoughts means we have stopped loving God completely thinking we knew better than He, and stopped loving another unselfishly or unconditionally. That is the very basis of sin – not meeting God’s standard. That’s why no sin is greater than any other sin because the basis for each sinful thought and action is to not love God and to think we know better than He does. And He knows our thoughts because he searches our hearts and minds (Psalm 7:9) so our thoughts are not hidden from God.

So God is not calling us to do anything special for Him. He doesn’t need us to do anything for Him. He’s not lacking in abilities, resources or possessions. Instead, since we are created in God’s image and God’s defining ability is to love unselfishly and unconditionally, then we are called to love God and others unselfishly and unconditionally. When we live to love God completely, then we will begin to see others as God sees them. When that happens, we begin to do for that person without regard of reciprocation, appreciation or justification. Jesus says if we love others that love us, what credit is that to us and the quality of our love? (Luke 6:32) It’s when we love others that don’t love us or cannot reciprocate then we are loving for the sake of love itself. Jesus said there is no greater love than to lay your life down for someone. (John 5:13) It also means to set your life – your desires and wants – aside for the sake of another person. Set yourself aside for someone; place no conditions on your love.

Now this love causes us to be patient, forgiving, caring, respectful, showing justice, not being partial, merciful, truthful, being faithful to promises and commitments, being humble, content and kind. When we see ourselves doing these actions beyond ourselves – beyond our human abilities – then we know for a fact that God is in us and working through us because we see His fruits in our lives – the fruit of His unselfish and unconditional love. We start to give to people who are unlovable and undeserving out of an overflow of our love for God and His love for us because we want others to know the truth about God. The impact this unselfish and unconditional love has on the receiving person is life changing because that person knows what you did was beyond yourself.

Now we are sharing in the true ministry of God. Our hearts will ache for the things that cause God’s heart to ache and we will be happy for the things that cause God to be happy. This is the greater meaning of love as God intended. This is the true deeper love we are called to live. It gives meaning to Jesus’ words when he said,

Luke 6:35-36

“Love your enemies and those around you. Do good to them and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great and you yourself will be sons (daughters) of the Most High because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful.”

And John 15:12-14

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last. Then your Father will give whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.”

This life is more than pleasure and happiness. It’s more than cheapened love. This life is about God’s agapé love.