Psalm118
Over the years, people talk about their "life verse" which is a verse of the Bible that speaks to them. Something that verse illuminated during a pivotal time in their lives. Something that defines their relationship with God or an aspect of God that resonates with them. Perhaps something they've memorized and can recite at anytime. Or something they frequently read to provide comfort, understanding or reset their minds. Something that caused them to stop in their tracks, think, and readjust their trajectory or outlook on life. Something that confirmed a thought or action.
A readjusting passage of scripture for me was Haggai 1:11; it provided God's ownership for a correcting time in my family's lives. One of my life verses is 2 Peter 3:9 because it speaks of God's long patience which meant more to me as I waited for my family to follow Christ. My husband Chauncey's verse is Matthew 6:25-34; do not worry. Our friend Max loves John 10:10. My daughter Lauren has Jeremiah 29:11-13 illustrated on her wall at home, a verse I gave her during a transitional time in her life. My daughter Sarah's go-to verse is 2 Corinthians 12:8, to remind her of God's grace and provisions; that He has a plan for her life.
For me, I have life verses that increase and morph as my life changes and evolves. Even though God is "the same yesterday, today and tomorrow", our relationship with Him evolves and matures so, what defines us with Him changes in a way that, as you age, you cannot keep wearing the same clothes as you did when you were younger. You must wear something that fits you today and fits the season you are living. This evolution doesn't change the character of God or the truth of His Word; on the contrary. We mature in Christ so we can now wear something more fitting, as we experience God on a maturing level. Because of this living experience, Psalm 118 is now one of my life verses defining my relationship with God and He with me.
Sometime in 2013 through early 2014, God was speaking to me through a combination of scripture including Psalm 118. The body of scripture, especially Psalm 118, foretold God's plan for my home community, and the outcome of a large-scale, land plan on which I worked through my job. I journaled the understanding and experience of this effort through:
Over the years spent in Psalm 118, the pages of my Bible contain some of my notes, scribbled all through and around the lines of the Psalm, that it's almost difficult to read the passage.
I learned Psalm 118 is an antiphonal Psalm, where alternating choirs sing the verses in a call-response format. The Psalm is meant to be a pageantry where the verses are acted out in a liturgical manner. It seems that this Psalm was meant to be more than recited; it was meant to be tactile and lived.
And lived it, I did. Reflecting on my experience, Psalm 118 became a script for the land-plan effort I was working on, through my job.
When I first read of the trials the Psalm foreshadowed, I was concerned because, up until February 2014 (when I journaled "A Word for Me"), we didn't have a strong opponent. Instead, a comprehensive and broad representation of the community had fully supported our project and their support drowned out the voice of the small, opposition forming.
Then suddenly, the tables flipped, and through November 2016, our project was demonized and those involved were villainized. To this day (February 2019), there is still a visceral reaction by people in this community when the names of the project, my employer, my colleagues and mine are mentioned.
I thought I handled the aftermath well, in a healthy manner, that kept my faith intact. Daily, I was still hearing God's voice and, still able to love Him with joy, still able to look forward in life. In fact, I was able to realize that the outcome of my project was a gift from God and not a predicted outcome in this comedie noire known for this community.
I recognized the stages of grief I was experiencing. When I spoke with our consultant team, who are the best of the best, they each expressed real grief over the outcome. This project was a once-in-a-lifetime legacy project that made the entire team rise up and work for the betterment of community over self. This was completely opposite of what the alternating community choir was chanting in response to us.
Following the end of the project through 2016 and 2017, people in the community continued to hold out their hands expecting my employer to financially support them, even when the project outcome prescribed no support. Give to continued and systemic issues that the project would have solved. People were indifferent about the outcome and shrugged with an "Oh well... you're still going to support my cause, aren't you?" People continued to write and say unkind and false things about our project, our employers, our teammates. I searched for safe places within the community where I could continue living. I was thankful my children were grown and living away, that my husband's job was not impacted, and that my job now took me outside of the community so we could move onward. That response and those ballsy requests angered me and I slipped from grief to resentment to bitterness which rocked my trust in God. "Why did He allow this (outcome) to happen? I thought He promised a different result? Freedom. Why are we having to wait any longer?"
However, the line in Psalm 118 that I love the most, that rolls around in my mind's ears - a line that is repeated in Psalm 136 and other scripture - a line that cannot be denied is, "His love endures forever."
His love endures and, it endures forever.
His love endures; forever.
He. Loves. Forever.
Over the years, I have contemplated this love-enduring truth about God; this quality of love and aspect of His being. I even journaled about it several times. ("For God So Loved" and "We have Cheapened the Meaning of Love" and the two "Jonah" entries noted above) It's an unchangeable truth and characteristic of God that I truly believe defines Him. God's ability to love each of us, without condition, and endure time with no regard to circumstances, is what causes God to be Father, friend, teacher, gracious, patient, long suffering, forgiving, disciplining, truthful, honest, transparent, reliable, nurturing, and more.
During this struggling time, He allowed me to test Him on His character - His enduring, unconditional love aspects of His being - and reflect on its impact in my life. He allowed me to truly wrestle with Him. To wrestle through doubt and wanting to walk away completely. Tough questions were asked, forcing me to look at myself. To be honest and raw telling Him that I resented Him and His allowance of what happened to me while I was following Him. To look at His truths and mine as well as my misperception and selfish desires. That He allows this oppressive group to remain in power over the community exerting more oppression. To tell Him that I didn't trust Him anymore and, that I knew He would discipline me which I resented. I wrestled through my grief, bitterness, and resentment.
While wrestling, scripture and Bible stories swirled around my mind, bringing characters to life; understanding how each felt, why each did and said the things they did. Words and stories had meaning, now.
Through that process, I realized that God is not afraid of my doubt; not afraid of my anger with Him. He is not afraid that I was blaming Him for my discomfort, confusion and hurt that things didn't go my way; until I could move passed the emotions to see the real root cause. One of my favorite, life verses is Isaiah 1:18, "...come; let's us reason together," where God Himself invites us to reason with Him. One of my favorite books is the Book of Job where Job and his friends reason Job's circumstance - wrong or right - and, God enters that reasoning to set the argument straight. "Where were you when I created the world..." It's part of God's character that His unconditional love allows - reasoning without fear - and He wired me to reason which I actually love to do. I love to reason! I like to look at issues and things from all angles then reason about them before making decisions. Many times, I will reason aloud with family, friends and colleagues.
Within this wrestling time, God was not afraid to reason with me and, He gave me the gift of reasoning with Him. God Himself was encouraging me to reason with Him and work through my incorrect assumptions, misgivings; my hurt, confusion, pain, frustration, and grief. I reasoned through my doubt and my lack of trust. God loved me so very much that He called me to reason with Him, encouraged me through the process, stayed with me, made me look at Him and myself, reflect on His character and promises. Then He brought me through to the end of that process where I realized that I indeed trusted Him more fully than before.
And so, sometime in Fall 2018, I turned the pages of my Bible to Psalm 118 and began to re-read the words of the Psalm that spoke to me five years earlier; the words I couldn't read for two years. At the opening - "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His faithful love endures forever." - the words brought me a sense of peace, a sense of knowing the struggle was over. And, I continued to read through tears realizing the Psalm that God spoke-through to me, now describe our personal relationship, not my job; not my project; not my community. God with me. The words of Psalm 118 became alive and personal to me. Psalm 118 is now a Word for me, defining my relationship with God where I see that I trust Him, even in the dark times. It visually describes my relationship with God and my place within His people, His gathering.
Because I read so many versions of the Psalm while studying over a period of years, when I read it now, it reads this way to me.
Thank you, God, for You are good to me.
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.
We who wrestled and are called out of this world following You Lord, should say,
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.
We who You made into a priesthood to follow and serve You, should say,
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.
We who are in awe-of and grateful-for You, knowing who You are, should say,
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.
In my anguish and distress, I cried out to You Lord,
And You answered my cries and freed me from what consumed me.
I know now that You are with me and, I will not be afraid of the future or the past.
What can mere people do to me that will change who I am with You?
You are with me in life, Lord, and You help me.
Because of this reality, I can look at people who hate me through eyes of victory knowing their emotion cannot impact me or change who I am with You or how You consider me.
I've learned that it's better to seek and trust You Lord than to trust in the abilities of people.
It is better to seek help from You than from those with an authoritative position or resources.
Where will I go to find something better than You; who has the answers to life beyond You?
All kinds of people came after me - strangers, peers, friends and family - they tried to destroy me or put me in a Spiritless place, but knowing who I am in You and who You are in me, their attempts failed.
These people surrounded me, ganged up on me but, knowing who I am in You and who You are in me, their attempts failed.
They swarmed around me like angry bees from a disturbed hive, coming at me from every direction;
However, their attempts died out quickly like a hot, fast fire of twigs burns out; knowing who I am in You and who You are in me, their attempts failed.
Lord, I was really pushed back hard, and about to fall away completely but, You Lord never left me and helped me even when I couldn't ask for help.
You became my strength, my ability, my song of joy and victory; You Lord, became my salvation - You saved me from myself and my circumstance.
I join Your family and say through my experience with You, "shouts of joy and victory echo in the bodies and lives of Your people whom You've made righteous," and we sing:
God's authority and divine assistance in my life have done mighty things!
There is nothing above God's authority - the Lord God is Almighty and Ultimate!
God's authority and divine assistance in my life have done mighty things!
I realized that I will not walk away and die instead, I am living and will be able to share with others what the Lord has done in my life and what He can do in their lives.
Lord; You disciplined me severely; You pruned and challenged me.
However, You did not take me to the point of death.
The gates to Your presence are opened to me; You opened them and I enter Your presence to thank You.
You showed me that my consuming circumstance was actually a gateway to Your listening presence.
Thank You for turning my failure into a gateway to Your presence; You became my salvation.
I rejected the circumstance - it was a stone that I rejected as the builder of my life.
Now that stone has become the dedication stone of my life proving Your existence in my life; dedicating my life to You.
You turned bad into good and it's marvelous to see and consider.
It's true; You work all things to the good of those who love You.
This dedication day is the day You made;
I am grateful and so thankful to rejoice in this reality.
Those of us who are Yours cry out:
Save us, Lord God; save us from our circumstances.
Let us be successful in life with You, Lord God; let us be successful.
I am blessed because I am called "Daughter" by God Himself.
I am recognized by those in God's family.
The Lord Jesus is God;
He has revealed to us the truths of God so we can know Him, follow and love Him.
I call to others, pick up your palm branches and join me in the revolution to follow God; become a "called out" person.
Know that you will sacrifice your selfish lives, right up to the presence of God.
Jesus; You are my God and I will recognize You as the source of life and be thankful.
You are my God and I will acknowledge You to others and place You as authority over my life.
Thank you, God, for You are good to me.
Your extravagant, fierce and unconditional love endures forever.
Post script:
It has been two years since I last journaled my life with God. It's so wonderful to be able to enjoy this aspect of our relationship, again. I've missed this time, and was afraid to never enjoy it again. God is good.
My Wednesday Morning Prayer Group helped me wrestle during the years.Thank you Laura, Linda, Mason, Jacob, Andy, Phoebe, Richard, and Gerard. My sister (in-law) and daughter helped me reason; thank you Mia and Sarah. My family helped me worship; thank you Chauncey, Lauren & Russell, Sarah, and Anthem Church.
Note: The palm branch was a symbol of Israel and it was a call to revolution when raised; revolution from what oppressed Israel and, to be a nation again. One version of Psalm 118 referred to raising the palm branch instead of tying the sacrifice to the alter. I liked the palm branch version best, as it had more meaning to me.
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In 2018, as I was revisiting Psalm 118, God was confirming His revelation through the following messages and songs. Mostly, the confirmation came through worship time at our church Anthem, a North Point church plant. And, listening to the Elevation (church) podcast, and Wisdom for the Heart messages.
Come through Drippin, Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church
The Word on the Street, Pastor Larry Brey, Elevation Church (Larry married my niece Maddie and her husband Dustin)
Cry for you, Lecrae featuring Taylor Hill
Take Courage (He's in the Waiting), Bethel Music
(Your love is) Fierce, Jesus Culture
Extravagant, Bethel Music
Reckless Love, Cory Asbury (I found this version 2/25/2019 and believe it's perfect especially Cory's story behind his song)
God Taught Me, Zauntee
No Longer Slaves, Bethel Music
Giants (Nothing's Impossible), North Point Insideout
Who You Say I Am, Hillsong
Come and Get Me, Lecrae
Tremble, Mosaic MSC
It is well (Through it All), Bethel Music
Added March 3, 2019: Great lesson by Andy Stanley, North Point Church, series "Me & My Big Mouth; Right Where You Want 'Em"
Added March 6, 2019: Spot on lesson by Steven Furtick, Elevation Church, series "Invisible Prisons: What if God didn't meet your expectations"
Added April 28, 2019: The day before Lauren's wedding day (April 5, 2019) she gave me this tea cup that says Mother of the Bride and has Jeremiah 29: 11-14 on it, as that is the verse we share together. So very, very special that on her wedding day she remembered that God had and has a plan for her life.
Added May 9, 2019: After buying new Earl Grey tea, I noticed that my cast iron tea pot was changing the flavor of the tea removing the oil of bergamot which is essential to Earl Grey. (The iron tea pot has a dragon on it which is rather fitting for this issue.) So, I decided to use my ceramic pot given to me by Lauren which has Psalm 118 on it. This is the pot I was using when I first was struck by Psalm 118 and was shocked to see the Scripture on the pot when I was reading it, five years ago. Lauren gave me this tea pot with Psalm 118 and roses painted on it. The Mother of the Bride tea cup she gave me in April, has the Jeremiah 29 verses noted on it and, that cup too has roses on it. This cup was given when the meaning of Psalm 118 and reflecting on people's "life verses" was coming to an understanding for me. I do not think nor believe that this is coincidental. Instead, I think God used Lauren to confirm to me what He's teaching me; what I am living through Him. So, I brew a pot, fill my cuppa and thank God for Him being with me, and thank Him for my family.
Also added May 9, 2019: A great series by Andy Stanley called "Aftermath" that talks about the real tenants of following Christ, faith in Christ, and how we should live. Confirming what I've learned through God.
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