Walk this Way

Walking with Jesus and walking out 70 x 7

Eleven years ago, my parents after 40 years of marriage, decided to divorce. Although we three kids were well into our mid-thirties to early forties, married and with kids of our own (mine were in high school), the action of my parents impacted our extended family unit. When my immediate family voiced our preference to keep relationships with both my mother and my father, that decision further separated all of us as "camps" of support seemed to be drawing lines in the sand.  Consequently, my husband, daughters and I have been estranged from my Mom, sister & her family, and brother & his family for nine years now. This was very difficult for all of us as my family loved the times we all shared together as I'm sure it was difficult for my father, brother, sister and mother.

There has been some movement over the recent years first with my Mom and then with my brother. Typically I will hear from my brother and Mother around major holidays and my birthday. Through this separation time, I have made certain we remembered and recognized birthdays, accomplishments and recently a wedding. We thought that if we continued to keep a door opened and continued to try to wipe the slate clean, reconciliation would eventually come. My brother and his family are all Christians so I knew it was only a matter of time before God would reconcile us but, even knowing that, after nine years you start to think it won't come soon. 

With my recent birthday, I received an annual letter from my brother. This time between the lines were the words "I'm sorry." Although the rest of the letter ate at me, it forced me to stand on knowing the very truths of God and His characteristics rather than give into the emotions of the letter and all of the stuff in the past now glaring at me in ink on the pages. There was a crack in the fortress of separation and I knew God could use that crack if I was willing. 

However, I confess that I wasn't as willing as I would like to admit to being. The previous week, Pastor Max reminded the congregation that we Christians should have true friends that are willing to tell you the truth when no one else is willing, calling those people "Nathan's" after King David's trusted friend and advisor Nathan. I was going to call and chat with my "Nathan's"  honestly hoping people would say I was justified not to step through the opening in the fortress but, God asked me to trust Him. During my daily time with God, I was in Exodus at Chapter 34 when God started speaking so I sat in 34 the rest of that week as I struggled with forgiveness. Then I had started praying Psalm 46 after talking with one of our church's elder, GW Robinson, about his "be still and know God" challenge. GW had spent a month being still before God and shared with me how difficult it was at first then how truly freeing it was once he learned how to be still focusing on God. In case God speaking through Scripture wasn't enough, my Bible cover case also had Psalm 46:10 on it as a daily reminder. For me, I learned that being still was to vacate my role of control over my life allowing God to lead while also standing firm in the truths of God not allowing emotion to overrun replacing the truth.

So much of Psalm 46 spoke to me especially the part about God ending the wars, destroying the weapons and burning the shields. I felt like God was telling me He would refine me through this test causing me to put down my self-made protection and my weapons to trust His abilities. 

And lastly, the song by Tenth Avenue North "Losing" kept playing in my head.

Chaunce, Lauren and Sarah were my sounding boards that week which I really appreciated, as I continued to struggle between God's truth, abilities, desires and the emotions whirling inside me tied to my brother's letter. The message was loud and clear. It was time to walk in the way of Jesus walking out 70 x 7. (Matthew 18:21-22)  

On Saturday, August 10th (2013), with my brother and his family starting their vacation 1 1/2 miles down the beach from where Chaunce and I were enjoying our day trip, we decided to walk down to say 'hi' not knowing what to expect. We agreed to stay only 30 minutes in case things went sour... we ended up staying 3 hours. There was true forgiveness on both sides for the first time as we all left the past in the past deciding to go forward from "hi!" 

The emotion of what God did hit me at church the next day where I cried through worship and Max's lesson. There are so many big and terrible issues for God to care about and yet He cared about this tiny, insignificant detail - a family squabble turned war turned exile - because He is a God of reconciliation and He is defined by unconditional love!

As always, God teaches, coaches and encourages. He is clear in His messages and intent. What I need to remember is that God is very able, willing and capable to complete these desires of our hearts when those desires line up with His desires; in this case forgiveness and reconciliation. 

Not sure why I don't trust Him more. I guess that is another lesson to be learned with God.