God Speaks II

God speaks through Word, dreams and visions

One of my favorite aspects of my relationship with God is hearing Him speak to me, and with me. I began recognizing His voice through my (nearly) daily reading God's Word which began earnestly in 1998 when we moved to Ellijay, Georgia. I found the Calvary Satellite Network on my car radio, began following along in my Bible as they exponentially taught word by word through books of the Bible. I added my own quiet time with God, methodically reading books of the Bible when I noticed I was understanding significant metanarratives, truths about God, His character, His love, and some pretty deep & heady thoughts that biblical scholars discuss. Those revelations would be confirmed through listening to the various preachers on CSN and Moody radio stations which brought me to a realization that I was in fact hearing God and He was teaching me through His Spirit who indwells me and all followers of Jesus.

Two pieces specifically note this experience. God-Speak in 2012. For God so Loved in 2013.

Truly, this entire journal is written to capture everything God has shared with me so I can re-read and remember (zakar) my intimate times with God as He spoke, listened, shared, addressed and taught me. 

I love my time with God, absolutely love it. Answering a question during a recent Bible study, the question was, "What three words describe your relationship with God?" I started to answer then sat there and thought, "wouldn't it be cool to hear what God says about our relationship," and so I asked Him what three words describes our relationship. Sitting, waiting for His response and amazed it was an immediate response, God said, 1) intimate, 2) reflective, 3) cherishing.

As I wrote the three words down, I broke down crying to read these beautiful and heartfelt words God uses to describe spending time with me. Me. Ordinary, nobody me.

So yes, God speaks, and He speaks to me personally. He speaks everything into being. He speaks corporately to the greater body of Christ - the church. He speaks to preachers, pastors and prophets. And He speaks intimately to His children, the followers of His Son Jesus. When Jesus returns as King of Kings and Lord God, He will speak truth which will be judgment to those who oppose Him. His words are power and life. And by the power and presence of His Holy Spirit with us, God speaks.

God also speaks to me in dreams and visions.

We all have dreams during the course of our lives. Dreams usually are manifestations of aspects of our lives where we exercise those things, while we sleep. Good, bad, horrifying, bizarre. Thankfully, most dreams are forgettable. 

Yet, I have had some dreams since childhood that are not forgettable. The dreams seem very real and express a message to me. At times, the dreams appear to be visions because I woke from sleep into the vision, or the vision came quickly as I prayed.

It was not until recently, that I met believers who have had similar dreams, sometimes identical in message and characters delivering or involved in the messages, that I realized God was speaking to me through the dreams and visions. So, this entry is to catalog those unforgettable dreams, see if there is a common thread to the dreams, and so I will not forget what God said to me.

Dream/Vision 1 - Blue Angel 

Age 4 or 5 years old (1966 or 1967), Salem Hospital ICU for the croup.

I developed the croup badly and was hospitalized in an intensive care room, of sorts. The room was gray, windowless except for the window in the gray metal door where the windowpane was reinforced with wire in the diamond pattern. It was a humidifier room that emitted steam from a grated vent in the upper right corner beside my bed. The room was dark but for a fluorescent light in the center of the ceiling. An IV was in my arm which was taped to a board so I wouldn't bend my arm and push the needle into my arm. My parents were only allowed to visit during specific visiting hours and so, I was alone, cold, scared and homesick.

One night, a small child was at the end of my gray, metal hospital bed. He grasped the footboard of the bed staring and smiling at me. The child had a blue-white glow about him.

He didn't speak to me, he just smiled. For some reason, that smiling face made me think I would be OK and, my fear and homesickness left for that time.

The doctor, nurses and my parents thought some child in the hospital got out of bed to visit me. I began to think the same thing until later in life when glowing people visited again, and I remembered the child at the end of my bed.

Dream 2 - Welcome to my house

First or second grade (6 or 7 years old), Salem, MA

Why dreams have been confusing to me, and for a period of time, caused me to fear sleeping, was due to the enemy invading my dreams on rare occasion. It was not until my late 30's when I began reading God's word daily, that I could sift through the memories of the dreams and categorize them as "From God" and "Not from God". Dreams and visions from God could be explained by scripture and historical facts, and recently through shared experiences with other believers. Dreams not from God brought dread and the sense to run away from the dread.

My parents, having been practicing Catholics, weren't equipped to address my good dreams let alone my bad dreams. It took a solid knowledge of scripture to not fear the dreams but embrace them. And over time, the Holy Spirit taught me how to rebuke the enemy, when he did manage to use dreams to scare me into thinking I'm beyond saving.

I was born in Salem, Massachusetts in 1962 and, one home we lived in was a planned development called Witchcraft Heights. My parents built that home and it abutted a hill where the Salem municipal water tower was located. It was also the hill claimed to be where some judgements from the Salem witch trials, took place. In fact our road was called Gallows Hill Road, because people accused of witch craft were hung in our backyard. My family was well aware of Salem's witch history. My Aunt Theresa was a docent for the House of Seven Gables and occasionally the Salem Witch Museum. My parents worked the Hawthorne Hotel as newlyweds and, a couple of cousins befriended Lori Cabott, the self-proclaimed Salem Witch and her daughter Penny who followed in her mother's footsteps.

Because of Salem's history, it attracted the occult therefor, I was exposed to its darkness as a young child as it was all around in history and market opportunities. 

This dream began as I walked passed our Catholic church (St. James Church on Federal Street) near my elementary school. As we climbed the stairs and entered the church, it became a Victorian home with the large staircase off to the left of the foyer. 

A skinny figure came dancing done the stairs to greet us. As he approached, dread set in. He came to greet us saying, "Welcome to my home." I began to recognize the darkness, backing away and yelled to wake up, "Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Fear of darkness set in and caused me to fear sleeping for nearly 20 years, as I didn't want to be trapped in that house. As I grew older, I feared being possessed by Satan because I thought I was unloved by God and a bad person for having these periodic dreams. At nearly age 63, I can count on one hand how many times the enemy invaded dreams but as a child, it was confusing and frightening.

To combat the bad dream and the darkness around me, I spent time in church. As a child in Massachusetts when Catholic churches left front doors unlocked, I would walk to the closest church, open the door, and take a seat to hear prayers being whispered if anyone was there, smell the incense, light a candle (even if I didn't put a coin in the coinbox), look at the stained glass windows, statues and artwork, and pray my little, child prayers. Occasionally a priest would sit with me curious a child was there. 

Starting at the same age as this dream, I had the profound sense the world would end in my lifetime and began asking my parents when the world would end. This wasn't a topic of discussion or teaching in the Catholic church in the late 1960's. We were just going from Latin masses and lace head coverings for the ladies and girls, to the Jesus Movement bringing the charismatic church in the mid-1970's. Sometimes I attended mass with my maternal grandparents who spoke French and went to the Franch/Latin service. 

My Mom's answer to the question about the world ending was Catholic inspired; three, non-Italian popes must die or be assassinated, then the world would end. Needless to say, that is a nonsense answer but seemed plausible as a child, especially with the assassinations of the Kennedy's and MLK Jr., along with the Vietnam war playing during the evening news, on our black & white TV.

(And so, my Mom began calling me Jesus Freak. It was not meant to be a kind title. However, 30 years later, I began wearing that title proudly and know it came from the Jesus Movement of late 60's/early 70's.)

Dream/Vision 3 - Floating Face

1977, 9th grade in Cockeysville, MD

Sometime in the spring of 1977, while sharing a bedroom with my sister, I woke up to a face staring at me. We had bunkbeds and I slept in the top bunk. Following my Dad's job, my parents moved the family from Beverly, Massachusetts (Boston area) to Cockeysville, Maryland (Baltimore area). We went from a small, New England saltbox home, to an apartment complex.

On top of the bookcase beside our bunk beds, which was a pseudo end table for me, I kept a wallet sized print of a bust of Jesus by Warner Sulliman which I bought at the gift shop at our previous church, La Sallette Shrine. During the Jesus Movement which brought the charismatic movement within the Catholic Church, we attended La Sallette which was a former estate that became a monastery. Before moving, I attended youth group which was close to a non-denominational church for a catholic church.

The picture of Jesus stayed next to my bed from Massachusetts to Maryland to New Jersey to Florida to Connecticut and Ohio until my kids claimed it. (I think Sarah had it the longest.) Each night, I prayed my prayers looking at Jesus's face, kissed the portrait and aimed it at where I would sleep hoping it would ward off bad dreams and my wandering mind.

There on the top of my bunkbed in my shared room, I woke to a face staring at me. He was smiling at me as it hovered over me, watching me sleep. Needless to say, I stared back startled trying to determine if I was sleeping or not. It frightened me, thinking it was a ghost, and I waved at it to disappear.

I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and headed to the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal before going for a morning run. As I stood there, someone grabbed my arms and me from behind as if to let me know he had my back but, at that moment coupled with the floating face, I was sure some demon was haunting me and broke down crying. My brother found me in the kitchen, having got up for early morning swim practice, crying over my bowl of Cheerios thinking I lost my mind.

It wasn't until years later when I read Zephaniah 3:17 that I realized God was with me and singing over me. What I saw and felt was an answer to my prayers. The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.   

   

 

By His Blood We are Healed

1 Peter 2:24; John 6:53, 19:34; Matthew 9:21, 26:28

Miracles do happen and I'm writing today to catalog a personal miracle, so I never forget that God does in fact miraculously heal people.

This morning, I'm trying to process that God has healed me. I want to be grateful for God being faithful, kind, gracious and merciful to me. To realize He in-fact is with me and calls me His own, therefor cares for me more than I care for myself.

Recently, I was diagnosed with chronic diseases that took 48 years of testing to name. Over that time, doctors chased other diseases where the symptoms mimicked what I have and when tests were inconclusive, I was dismissed and at worst called crazy.

What I have was not discovered by the medical community until the 1980's when researchers from the Mayo Clinic and the Cleveland Clinic worked together on patients with symptoms like mine. Twelve years ago, the medical community saw the groupings of diseases and gave it names. Last year, Olympian Katie Ledecky shared internationally that she has a form of Autonomic Dysfunction called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Due to Katie's admission, my doctors realized I could have the combination of diseases and still function and exercise like I do or did. Over the years, I had learned steps to manage the impacts of the diseases which allowed me a high level of functionality where many patients like me are unable to get out of bed.

In February 2025, I was diagnosed with Autonomic Dysfunction, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. In March, a test revealed Median Arcuate Ligament Syndrome (MALS). The AD-MCAS-EDS cannot be cured but the symptoms can be managed. MALS can be addressed through surgery, and I look forward to that step.

Somewhere around 2011, I began experiencing episodes of vertigo which were violent leaving me incapacitated for up to six months. On January 16, 2021, following a violent vertigo episode, chronic vertigo set in, and since then I have dealt with three forms of chronic vertigo for four-and-a-half years. It was not until February 2025 that doctors reluctantly agreed that the three forms of vertigo and the violent episodes were results of my chronic diseases.

Over the recent years, I can pinpoint to the areas of the brain that cause the three forms of vertigo. The cerebellum was the section of brain, inflammatory and physical pressure on various sections of the cerebellum and brain stem cause the spinning. Ehlers Danlos caused the inability to hold my head up during the violent spinning and likely cause the left side and back side vertigos when laying down. Autonomic dysfunction caused the spinning as I sat up from a laying position. Each form spun differently. No medications or physical therapy helped whatsoever, in fact the physical therapy made the symptoms worse.

During a test on March 11, 2025, to check suspected MALS, I was injected with iodine as the contrast solution. I felt the warm effects as the iodine circulated my system then my brain and, noticed it settled and stayed in my thyroid. Since I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in August 2016, that effect of the iodine settling in my thyroid wasn't a shock to me but a confirmation. (I began telling doctors in 2011 that I think I have an issue with my thyroid. It took five years until one doctor agreed to test me and found out I was correct.)

The night of March 11, 2025, after the injection of iodine, I didn't spin when I laid down or sat up and, enjoyed being able to lay on my left side briefly. The effects of the iodine lasted seven days exactly after which, the three forms of vertigo resumed.

I told my doctors, and each said to experiment by taking iodine pills and so I began. 

Thinking the pills weren't strong enough, I ordered 2% and 10% iodine from two companies and began taking the 2% drops, two drops twice a day. Still no positive impacts.

A second CT scan was ordered so, I returned to the place where I was given iodine as a contrast hoping to receive another injection of iodine. On April 28, I was injected with that (glorious) iodine contrast and learned it was 74% iodine solution. Now I understood what my dose could be and once again, the chronic vertigo stopped for seven days.

This time, I switched to the 10% solution and began taking seven drops each morning and evening. The vertigo did return briefly on day seven following the injection but, on day 10 (May 30, 2025), the vertigo for laying on my back stopped.

This morning Saturday, May 17, 2025, as I woke twice early morning to stop leg cramps, I noticed the sitting up vertigo had stopped. I decided to experiment and lay on my left side. No spinning. None.

The three forms of chronic vertigo that began January 16, 2021, have stopped. Chronic vertigo that could not be diagnosed by traditional medicine and doctors, stopped. Chronic vertigo where some doctors were afraid of me saying patients like me scare them because they don't know what to do, stopped. Chronic vertigo where medicines and physical therapy and alternative medicines (like Chinese medicine which I tried) could not stop - stopped.

But GOD... 

But my God did heal me. But my God revealed to me what it was and what to do. But my God gave me the gift of healing that looked like the blood of His son shed for me.

Yes, God healed me!

As I took the iodine drops I marveled at the look, smell and taste. Each drop looked like blood dropping into the glass of water. The glass of iodine and water smelled and tasted like blood. Had I not made the mixture of iodine + water, I would have sworn I was drinking water mixed with blood.

And so, I proclaim today that God my Father, has been faithful, merciful, kind and gracious to me to lead me to discover an iodine deficiency, which caused the hypothyroidism, that coupled with EDS-MCAS-AD caused three forms of chronic vertigo, where each spun differently, as well as episodes of violent vertigo.

And the cure is drops of iodine in water that resemble the blood of Jesus Christ poured out to save me and all mankind. 

Today, I proclaim God healed me. I recognize that through a chemical that resembles blood, I was healed. God led me through-and-to this discovery where He was and is my physician. 

So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life." John 6:53 ESV

He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24 ESV

But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and at once there came out blood and water. John 19:34 ESV 

...for she said to herself, "If I only touch His garment, I will be made well." Matthew 9:21 ESV

"...for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." Matthew 26:28 ESV

To Be

To Do or To Be... that is the question

Galatians 5:22-23    Mark 11:12-26    Philippians 4:8-9    Psalm 46:10    John 14-15    John 21:15-19    Deuteronomy 31:6    Hebrews 13:5    Matthew 28:20    Joshua 1:9    Luke 6:40    Romans 5:8    2 Peter 3:9    Esther 4:14

Many times, we think God calls us to do something for Him. As if we can please Him more, than what we are doing, can please Him. The argument in our heads sounds like, "Now that I am Christian, what is God's will for my life? Am I in His will or out of His will? What does God want me to do for Him?" As if we are earning something from Him by doing this thing for Him.

These arguments swirl around all our decisions in life. Do I buy this car? This house? Do I leave my job? Take this new job? Do I move to this state? This city? This side of town? Do I marry this person? Do I stay married? Stay single? Do we have children? How many? Do I homeschool my children? Put them in public or private school? Is it Christian based? Do I go on this mission trip? Which country? Do I serve on this team for church? Is being a greeter my right role? And on and on and on...

I am no different and have these arguments with myself and God regularly. And yet many times, God seems silent. He gives no indication as to the decisions we should make. No confirming word. No sign.

Then, we are left with trying to discern clues as to which way we think God is telling us to go. Which decision to make. What steps to take. In these situations, we are reverting back to a relationship where we are trying to earn God's approval and affection. 

And yet, God is calling us to something more intimate and simpler. He is calling us to just be with Him as He is being with us and then to be with others as He is being with us.

The entire Bible from Genesis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21 is about God revealing Himself to all creation and offering mankind a personal relationship with Him, to be with Him forever. Genesis 1 starts the revelation of God Himself and Revelation 22 ends with that revelation fulfilled for all eternity. To see Him. Hear Him. Love and live with Him. To walk, talk, and enjoy a loving relationship with the God of all creation. Like a father and child. Like a trusted friend. Like a beloved spouse.

What do we do, with these intimate relationships? We live with them. We do life. We be with them as they are being with us.

This is our inheritance.

Not streets of gold. Not mansions. Not being cured of death, disease, aging, injury, brokenness, etc. 

Just to be together.

Yes, we will be resurrected, healed, restored, reconciled, gifted. And we will see the magnificence of the Lord God and of His Kingdom Heaven and everything there. Yet, God is offering something more intimate to us. He is offering Himself and a relationship with Him for all eternity. That's a far better inheritance than a big house with a gold driveway, and a body that is perfect and never dies. 

If this is true, then we will see this offered-simplicity in the very life of Jesus with His followers and with His relationship with God, while on earth. If Jesus is God in a bod - God in a human body - and Jesus is the perfect human reflection of God, then we will see and hear Jesus convey what God is offering to us. 

Jesus used very simple language and examples to explain the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in Heaven. He used simple language to represent the intended relationship between mankind and Creator God. He called God Father and told us to call God Father. Jesus could have called the God of all creation, time and space, many names and yet Jesus calls God Father. That sets the relationship expectations.

Let's consider some of the language Jesus used to represent what our relationship is to be.

Follow me (walk with me)

Abide in me (stay close to me, connected to me, live with me)

Go and teach others what I taught you (as you go through life, share with others what I shared with you)

Forgive others as I forgave you

Help others

Make disciples (as you share you will make students, make followers)

Feed my sheep (feed my people)

I am with you always

These are all living-life-together sayings. These are ordinary, everyday actions. This is life lived together. In concert. Sharing and giving and living together. 

Jesus said this relationship is part of a journey - a process - where, as we walk and engage with Him, we will become like Him. Over time, we become like the teacher. (Luke 6:40) We don't surpass the teacher. We mimic the teacher. As a child mimics what a parent does and says. As we live with Jesus and He with us through His Spirit, we begin to reflect His character through what He shares and imparts to us. 

Of all creation, the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, and animals and beasts and all creeping things, the Triune God created mankind in His image - to reflect the Triune God as the moon reflects the sun. (Genesis 1: 26-28) The moon does not become the sun. Yet, the moon was created to reflect the sun, in order to be a light in the night sky. We are not becoming equal to God, nor will we ever. We reflect God and His character. We reflect the source of light. We reflect His character.

And how do we reflect God's character of which Jesus perfectly reflected? Through the power of God's Spirit of which He imparts to us when we accept His free offer of salvation. The gift of salvation that Jesus paid for with His life. A salvation from an eternal life lived without God and all God brings and restrains in humanity and in creation. Without God, there is chaos and death. With Him there is order and life.

How do we know God imparted His Spirit into us, when we turned from our selfish lives to accept God's gracious life? How do we know that God's Spirit is with us at all times? What evidence do we see that the Holy Spirit is with us, and we are reflecting Jesus; we are reflecting God?

When we see God's character fruiting through us. When we see the fruits of the Holy Spirit. When we see something beyond our ability happen through us while engaging in a circumstance. Some of those fruits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) 

Think of it this way. Jesus said He is the vine - the true vine of God - and we are the branches on His vine. Branches don't cause fruit to happen. Branches hold the fruit that the vine produces through the essence of the vine flowing through the branches. As we stay connected to Jesus, as we walk along with Him learning from Him, He produces God's character through us, as a vine produces fruit.

The branches don't eat the fruit. The fruit does not last forever on the branch. The branches hold the fruit until someone picks it and enjoys the fruit. If we are a dead branch that does not produce fruit, God the vinedresser (John 15:1) will trim off that dead branch to ensure what killed the branch doesn't spread to the healthy branches. If a branch bears a lot of fruit, God prunes that branch to keep it healthy and actively producing.

God produces the fruit of His character through us, as evidence He is with us, and for others to consume. The Holy Spirit knows which fruit to produce based on the circumstances we enter into through our daily lives, so we bring God into the world in a nourishing way to bring transformation. Peace into turmoil. Joy into anxiety. Self-control into selfishness. Patience into justification and retribution. Love into hate and hurt. Kindness into moments when people attack you. Respect to the disrespectful. And on and on.  

For instance, when we encounter a chaotic situation where everything is out of control and yet we remain unexplainably ordered, chances are, the Holy Spirit fruited God's peace through us. When we are with someone unkind, hateful, selfish and we are justified to react equally yet, we show kindness to that person, the Holy Spirit fruited God's kindness through us. When we long to step into a promise of God or we see how we can control the situation for our benefit, and yet we wait on God and surrender our control, the Holy Spirit has fruited patience and self-control through us. (Patience will kill selfishness.) 

We read about these fruits of the Holy Spirit and believe they will be permanent abilities within our lives. Perhaps, one day in our journey they will be on this side of eternity. However, perhaps the Holy Spirit decides what fruit is needed, when and how the fruit will be produced in us for a time of need.

Because, while we were still sinners - still enemies of God - God showed us mercy, gentleness, kindness, love, and He exhibited self-control and patience allowing us to come to a saving knowledge of Him when He was justified to leave us in our sinful, selfish state. (Romans 5:8; 2 Peter 3:9)

So, who enjoys the fruit of the Holy Spirit that is produced through us by remaining connected to Jesus? Others. Those God puts into our paths. Those God puts in our lives. Those sheep God is calling. Those people God is revealing Himself to.

Jesus said the primary commandment of God is to love God fully, and love others like we love ourselves. When we love God, staying connected to Jesus, and His Spirit animates our lives to fruit God's character through us, that fruit is loving others. That fruit is feeding His sheep. That fruit is glorifying God.

This is how we be with God as He is being with us.

And so, we can do whatever we find ourselves doing. God uses us to bring the kingdom of God, to earth as it is in Heaven, as we be with God as He is being with us. Emmanuel. God with us.

It is enough to follow Jesus, learn and reflect Him, bringing Him into whatever space or circumstance we find ourselves in. Whatever person we are with. Allow the Holy Spirit to manifest God's presence in the world, through us. In a very intimate and personal way. Circumstance to circumstance. Person to person. 

People will see your good works - the fruit of God's character - and give glory to God (Matthew 5:16).

We will be lights because we are reflecting the source of light. We will be the salt, that holds the water of God (the Holy Spirit) into the body of Christ providing refreshment to a God-thirsty world.

We are the light. We are the salt. We are the branches. He is the true source of light. He is the true vine. He causes the fruit. He opens the eyes. He opens the ears. He replaces the heart of stone with a heart of flesh that responds to Him. He saved and is saving. He calls. He is being.

He is Yahweh. We are invited to be with Him, forever.

This gives us such freedom. Freedom to be and do whatever we find ourselves doing in terms of our occupation. We can be child, mother, father, grandparent, etc. We can work in ministry or industry. We can hold whatever position we have for our occupation from entry level to CEO. For we are who God created us to be. We are placed by God. We are gifted and equipped by God. His Spirit is with us fruiting through us, what we need, when we need it, to display God through us. As we bring God into our portion of the world, into our circumstances and to people in our lives. For a time such as now. (Esther 4:14)

And so, go. Live. Work. Be. Loving God fully and gratefully. Loving others out of gratitude for what God did for us, what He is doing for us and through us, as He is being with us. And we are being with Him. 

Go. Be. Do. 

++++++++++

Addendum:

As always, God reinforces what He teaches me following a lesson:

John Piper, Light + Truth, How God Speaks to Us

Neighbors with Ali Parsons, Episode 49: Just Start with Ben Williams

Joby Martin, 1 Timothy: A field Guide for the Family of God, week 10, God at Work

A journal entry I wrote for Chauncey in 2010: God Calls Business People to be Part of His Church

Waiting requires the fruit of the Holy Spirit - God's characteristics; in this case patience and self-control.