Isaiah 30:15, 52:1 and 56:1-2
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says. "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, ..." ~Isaiah 30:15
Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. ~Isaiah 52:1
Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed. Blessed is the man who does this, the man who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps his hand from doing any evil. ~Isaiah 56:1-2
Sometime at the beginning of 2020, I began wanting to be one with God. Perhaps because the pandemic slowed down the actions of my life, and I was able to hear God once again. Perhaps because I realized I had starved God out of my life having prioritized myself as important over God.
I'm so busy.
I need to do this work; I have so much to do.
I need to fix this; perform better...
I, I, I; me, me, me...
Perhaps because the pandemic grounded us from work and personal travels forcing my husband and I to face our lives in Gainesville, realizing its growing, suffocating darkness and oppression. (It was time to go.) Perhaps because the symptoms from a (then) two-year battle with unknown illnesses or illness, were cranking up again; the symptoms had waned at the beginning of 2020 but by mid-year, had cranked back up again demanding attention. Perhaps all of these things played a role or maybe God was just grabbing my attention.
During this time, I completed a painting called Testimony; God is in the Waiting (the first in a forthcoming two-part series called Crushing). Testimony was the visual representation of everything I had experienced with my job, family and life in Gainesville and now it hung on my kitchen wall, testifying to the presence of God in my life. And with my last journal entry of 2020, which touched on this wanting, I renamed my online journal Testimony... One with God to reflect the evolution of my relationship with God (what I realized about my relationship with God; He already knew.)
Whatever was the basis for the longing, it was a realization that I am in deep need to be one with God. To enter into His community with Himself, His Son, His Spirit, and eavesdrop so to speak, on their conversation; witness their remarkable love; their Oneness. Hear them talk to one another and to me. Leading me through and to what is next. Smelling their cologne of frankincense and myrrh; seeing their glittering, radiant glory as they interact. The fullness of being three in One while inviting me into sharing that relationship.
I knew I needed to relinquish control-over and re-prioritize God-in my life, giving Him full control. And yet, I piled on top of that desire, all that is me, myself and I, smothering that longing.
Me, Myself and I, De La Soul
Relocating out of Gainesville became a focus, thinking we needed an escape from the darkness that encroached on life there; and we did.
Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me, Sir Elton John
Starting a new life. Settling into our new home and community. Continuing the life that came with us - family, friends, jobs, finances, chores and health.
Busy-ness
More me, me, me.
My morning time with God was being squeezed by other "more important things," because, "I have things to do. People depend on me. I want to spend time with you God but, I have emails to do, calls to take. Morning chores. Dinners to plan. Time for exercise and getting ready. Time with Chauncey. News feeds to read. Text messages. Social media. Solitaire to play. I, I, I; me, me, me."
And yet, God kept impressing One with Him. Being. Living.
2020 ended with the "covid Christmas" where one of my daughters - Sarah - Chauncey and I all contracted the virus. We each experienced the virus differently and I ended up with vertigo for three months which stopped me in my tracks. It almost appeared as if God used the virus and its effects, to grab my attention.
A year later, realizing I was still squeezing out God while He was still pursuing me, and with no ability to physically move through my day, I made the concerted effort to re-prioritize God as first in my day. Although not as dedicated to that prioritization as I think I am, I try to limit the non-God activities in the morning to making tea and brushing teeth so I can focus some of my first thoughts of the day on God. Moving upstairs to isolate myself, my days start with God through quiet time of conversations (prayer), reading, listening and digesting His Truth.
Give Me Jesus, Jeremy Camp
Morning has Broken, Cat Stevens
Several things propelled this focus. We began attending a new church with a dynamic lead pastor - Church of Eleven22 with Joby Martin. Our friend Max Wilkins launched a podcast series called Brilliant Gaze which referred to the book of Isaiah, regularly through the first season. This encouraged me to read through Isaiah because it had been a while since I fully read Isaiah. My sister-in-law Mia, who loves Isaiah, uses the app Marco Polo to share regular video messages discussing what God was saying and doing in our lives, creating our version of a small group. My father temporarily moved in with us, was quite broken, and through Eleven22 and its messages, Dad surrendered his life to Jesus Christ. And I grabbed an old school, paper tablet with pen and began noting what God was teaching me. Our home and my life started to fill with acknowledging the presence of God once again.
It was welcoming to be sharing-with and about God through Isaiah. One of my life verses comes from Isaiah - chapter 1, verse 18, "Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord..." I love to reason. God wired me to reason. And this portion of the verse provided me permission to reason life with God because God Himself invites me to do that with Him. To be one with Him; transparent, honest, together thinking through the things of life. I love that.
Come now let us reason, is actually the basis of the reflective and redemptive life with God. Jacob wrestled with God, trying to understand God and the impacts a right relationship with God would have on his life. When God deemed that the wrestling had accomplished its reflective work, He renamed Jacob to Israel. The name Jacob means "heel grabber or usurper" as in someone who usurps authority and grabs what isn't his, and Jacob means "deceiver" as one who is deceived, continues to deceive self and others. While Israel means "one who wrestles with God" or one who reasons his life with God and acknowledges God as sovereign. The renaming of Jacob to Israel also reflects the adoption by God into this family; into relationship with Him. "You used to be this person belonging to this people group but you are now this person and belonging to My people group."
The full verse of Isaiah 1:18 is actually, "Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white a snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Which means, in the process of being in an honest and transparent relationship with God, realizing you cannot hide what is wrong with yourself, wrestling and reasoning what you are with-God and without-God, the Sovereign God Himself will clean you of your wrongness; clean you of the impacts of not being in relationship with Him. In that process, you go from being a deceiver and usurper who is out of relationship with God - out of a familial relationship with God - to being invited and welcomed into a right and familial relationship with God who cleans you of your sinful nature, deems you restored and acceptable, and renames you as belonging to Him. The act of salvation - God saving us.
As we turn from ourselves - turn from me, myself and I - and turn towards God to be present and live in community with Him, we wrestle with the parts of our lives that control our wants, desires and demands to be masters of our lives. Our human nature is to control our lives, think and tell God that we don't need Him in our lives. Taking what is God's and claiming it as our entitlement, our accomplishment. Wrestling with the basis of sin - syn - missed-mark, not perfect. Wrestling with the deceived nature that is within us. And God not only wants us to be engaged in that process, He invites us to join Him as He wants to join us and be a part of that wrestling. He wants to be right there, reasoning, challenging, correcting, rebuking, disciplining, training, exercising, encouraging, coaching, loving... in active relationship, one with us; one with me.
"Even now," says the Lord, "Turn and come to Me with all your heart (in genuine repentance), with fasting (from life) and weeping (from overwhelming reflection) and mourning (until every barrier is removed and the broken fellowship is restored); ~ Joel 2 (amplified)
When I arrived at Isaiah 30:15, the verse birthed fresh meaning in me that rolled in my head for months. It was one of those verses that previously had not meant anything to me. Now, it caused me to think, to reason. I talked it out with God during reading, praying and writing. As I did my morning walks or drove to appointments, I would Marco messages to Mia working through the verse's definition for me. Talking it out loud with, "If this is this and this is that and that is that, then this means..."
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says. "In
repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your
strength, ..." ~Isaiah 30:15
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In turning away from self, wanting to control yourself and life, making self a priority above God and others, acting to always benefit self, taking what is God's or what God gave others and claiming it as self's...
Resting in God is strength. Not controlling something or someone is strength. But strength is relinquishing self focus and prioritization, and resting in, and knowing God has your best interest and the best interest in others. That is strength.
Quieting your mind, body, soul and spirit from your loudly and constantly demanding self. I must control, perform, solve, win. Quieting that self cry for being top, best, first.
Trusting God with your life, knowing He has your best interest, plans for you, will finish what He began in you, has the ability to fulfill those plans, better than you can; will protect, guide, reconcile, restore, renew, show the way, complete and meet you at the point of perfection in the future, you just need to walk forward trusting He will not only meet you there but solve and renew everything in the process.
That is God's salvation, His rescuing from a life that ends in misery and death. That is true strength. True life.
This is what the Supreme Ruler, the Supreme Monarch (needing no one to advise Him in order to rule; independent of His creation, operating outside of His creation without interference or influence), the Holy One of Israel (God intact, set apart, whole and complete, needing no one to complete Him; Israel - the deceived one who wrestles with God) says, in turning away from your desire to satisfy self over all else and control your life, relinquishing that control and resting in God - leaning your weight on and into God knowing He has your best interest in mind and allowing Him to work the details of your life leading you forward - is salvation from your life without God. By quieting the desire of self screaming within you - me, me, me, I, I, I, mine, mine, mine, I want, I want, I want - and completely trusting God with your life, this is true strength.
This is what God says to you, "Turn away from yourself and trust that I will care for you better than you will care for yourself; believe that I am who I am. This is the definition of salvation. Quiet your inner being from its continuous noise demanding attention and rest yourself against and in Me, allowing Me to care for you as Father. This action is your strength."
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Although I moved forward from 30:15 in my reading, daily I returned to reread the verse and repeat what it means to me. Rest, quiet and strength resonated.
Next, Isaiah, chapter 52, verse 1, seemed to reinforce what God was saying about strength and brought other scripture and images to mind.
Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your
garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city. The uncircumcised and
defiled will not enter you again. ~Isaiah 52:1
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The City of Zion - Jerusalem, the Lord's City - is sleeping and unaware of something urgent and of God's calling for its purpose. The city that is home to God's family, His people, those that are to reflect Him and live in relationship with Him. "Wake up! And clothe yourself in strength!" Clothe yourself in quieting your incessant demands from your inner being, and the pull from everything that is not God. Rest in the One, True, Sovereign God and trust in Him completely. Rest from the life without God. Clothe yourself in that garment of rest, of trust. Put on the garment of strength I have provided you, your garment of splendor.
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Suddenly, all of the Scripture that speaks about garments of protection, identification, royalty, authority all came flooding to mind. Joseph. Jesus. The people invited to the wedding. The armor of God. Those of us invited to the Lamb's wedding.
It seemed that to God, the act of walking away from self, quieting the sinful nature demanding attention and action, fasting from life's pull, remaining in relationship with Him, resting peacefully in His ability and trusting Him with your life's outcomes, is like putting on a robe over your naked self. Clothing yourself in a fine and precious garment that God gave as a gift expecting and wanting us to wear it continuously. Wearing that garment as protection and identification. And wearing it as a witness to yourself as to who's you are.
Strength.
And yet, part of strength is living in God's peace, His shalom. Peace from worry. From fret. From anxiety, control, demands, busy-ness. Life pulling, self calling, people confronting. Peace. The peace that transcends the clamor ringing in your ears, in your mind. Shalom. Wholeness. Harmony. Completeness. Oneness with God. Daily living Sabbath from self and world. Daily being in relationship with the Triune God. Daily clothing yourself in the strength that comes from quieting, resting, trusting in God. In who He says He is and His ability to do what He says He is doing and will do. Peace.
(A song that we have sung many times at Eleven22 during all of this reasoning and wrestling.)
While Mia and I were working through Isaiah and our lives' happenings, we got to the place in the conversation of uttering we each needed God's peace, His shalom. And how to ask for it, how to live in it. It became evident that God's peace would be a byproduct of relinquishing that control over self and life. And that Sabbath was more than resting from daily life, one day per week but, an ever portable, ever present opportunity to rest from self and world, and rest in God.
Isaiah 56:1-2 seemed to outline that concept.
Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at
hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed. Blessed is the man who
does this, the man who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and
keeps his hand from doing any evil. ~Isaiah 56:1-2
_______________________
While living, continue to do the right thing for others and self, maintaining justice. Doing the right thing for people in your life, in your path. By doing this, you reflect God's efforts with you in your life and, you replicate that action for others. You show them the true God by doing what is right and just for their benefit. You turn from benefiting yourself and work to do what is right for others, all while resting in God knowing that He sees you, knows your needs and will care for you as you care for others, the way He cares for you. Laying your life down, laying it aside, to benefit others. This is salvation and it's close by to you, revealed in you, revealed to others. You are blessed by God when you rest from the cry of self and work to benefit others. When you Sabbath from self and your life, fasting from the world. Living in Oneness with God. Keeping yourself from harming yourself and others. Keeping yourself from claiming, taking, usurping, hurting, shaming; benefiting self over all things. You will live in the shalom of God, His peace.
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When you turn from self, rest and trust in God, you see God's salvation in you at work. When you quiet self and rest-in and trust God to take care of you completely; when you do what is right and maintain justice with others, keeping yourself from taking the upper hand. When you clothe yourself in that garment of strength God gave you. When you let go of control, and fully trust God, able to stay in open and continuous relationship with Him, you fast from the life of not-God. You sabbath from self. You stand in awe of God. All He is. Who He says He is. Who He says you are to Him and in Him. You continue forward in life meeting Him at the designated point of solved, reconciled, restored. And the completeness of God rests on you, operates within you. Shalom.
Oneness with God is not a once-and-for-all act. It is a continuous invitation to be in constant and active relationship with God. And in the act of living with, reasoning, wrestling, following, believing, quieting, resting, trusting, preventing, refraining. Walking forward. Maintaining and doing what is right. Listening. Caring. Protecting. A whole, complete and true relationship with the One, True God. You see your salvation. You live in Sabbath, in the freedom God provides. You know the peace that operates even within the chaos of life. You know God is near, with and for you. Oneness.
Shalom.
(You are My) Rescue Story, Zach Williams
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As always, God confirms what He is speaking in many ways. On Sunday, September 5th during service at Eleven22, we sang a beautiful song that reinforced all that I learned.
Make Room, by Elyssa Smith
And we were in John 15:1-17 which reinforced further especially 15:12-17.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I
no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his
master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything
that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.
September 9, 2021
Heard two songs today that reinforced what I learned.
He is, David Crowder
Human Nature, Brandon Heath
